Beyond Confusion: Creating the Satirical Branson Chamber of Commerce Dear John Getaway Ad and the Hidden Meaning Behind It
- confusedstate51
- Nov 12
- 9 min read
This is the first show where I had an original comedy audio skit that was not played previously elsewhere and directly premiered on this podcast.
On our first show, I played a K-lite dateline ad that was up for a national award for best comedy writing at the 1999 national broadcasting society awards and the original ad I had was an actual real advertiser, which was for a non-profit that hosted me and allowed me to go to a conference that had a value close to $1,000 when all was said and done.
I really love comedy writing and while the bulk of the show is going to be chit chat comedy, I miss doing bits. So, one of the goals for this show was to reinvent standup I have tried out at work or reinventing some of the advocacy slides into a commercial that is satirical but a commentary on something that is important to Lud our writer and host.
Before we go any further, all of these ads are written and produced by Lud. Annette is not part of the process when it comes to these bits, so all of the creativity, skit writing, and conceptual process is developed by Lud Kozlowski. Therefore, his viewpoints that shaped the satire and what he is trying to tell are solely his viewpoints alone. Now that we have that disclaimer out of the way, let's discuss!
Branson Chamber Of Commerce Dear John Getaway
The very first skit was inspired from a horrifying story that happened on July 19, 2018. On that evening, a Ride the Ducks vehicle, capsized in Table Rock Lake in the Ozarks region of Branson, MO with 31 people on board. Ultimately 17 people died as the duck ran head on into a severe thunderstorm that impacted the region.
As time went on, it was found that the operators had the windows and doors completely shut, and none of the passengers were asked to wear life vests. It was a horrible tragedy that should have never happened and was disturbing to say the least.
Background
I am a adrenaline junkie and love history. I enjoy riding roller coasters and have a bit of a daredevil streak in me. I have had family members who have served in war with my grandfather serving in World War II (buried at Normandy) and great Uncle having served our country.
Needless to say, I have ridden ducks many times in my life. In Arkansas, we have ducks in Hot Springs National Park, Arkansas. These ducks are old war army military vehicles, and I will admit as a kid they are quite fun to tour the city and then splash down into the lake, going for a tour to see the houses of the rich.
While it is a fun ride, much like anything they have their risks.
In the early 1990's, one of the Hot Springs Ducks sank in Lake Hamilton resulting in the loss of life of 16 passengers. I am a realist when it comes to things. Accidents happen on roller coasters on rare occasions, so I thought it was a one off. My thinking is when you have a roller coaster or other attraction where you want to have tourists sold on the attraction, your selling point would not be to kill people, but to have the strongest safeguards in place so these freak occurrences would barely happen.
With this in mind, as I grew up, my parents started enjoying going to Branson, MO in their later years and we had the pleasure of enjoying their Ride the Ducks attraction. Since then, my tone has changed.
When the 2018 event happened, I was in absolute shock because when we rode the ducks in Branson years prior, Herschend Family Entertainment owned the attraction. Herschend owns Dollywood and Silver Dollar City. I have been a long-time season pass holder to their theme parks. During that time, I have been evacuated from a roller coaster, and have been witnessed to how the park helped a friend of mine who was tossed around on a rapids boat ride and was shaken up. In both instances they were very safety conscious. In the case of my friend's situation, they shut the ride down completely even though the ride was a raging rapids boat which in its nature results in people being shaken around throughout the ride.
I soon learned however, that Herschend no longer operated Ride the Ducks in 2018 and it was owned by Ripley Entertainment. Regardless, with the magnitude of what happened it still was a tragic day for those who had a connection to the attraction.
Since these accidents, I have since learned that many ducks have breakdowns due to modifications and maintenance issues done to the vehicles. It is not a rare freak occurrence but rather a sign of troubling problems across all places that offer Duck tourist ride operations. I have had this opinion since at least 2020, and it has been further enforced after watching a YouTube documentary I will link at the end of this piece.
The Skit Inspiration
After this tragedy happened and more details came out on the various duck mechanical issues, operator issues, closing all windows, closing the doors, the massive deaths, and incompetence, I personally thought the ducks would never see the light of day in Branson again. Boy, was I wrong.
In 2022, I spent my birthday weekend in Branson, MO with a close friend of mine who is a truck driver. As I was walking through the downtown area, I was visibly disturbed when I saw brand new "Ride the Ducks" driving through town with a phone number and website. I soon found out that there was a new duck operator in town that would be reopening within the month with newer, stronger reinforced ducks that would be harder to sink.
I was flabbergasted at the thought. My mind went and said it is too soon. Oh no! Immediately, my mind thought of Branson, MO as a whole. Here is a town of natural beauty, with lakes, mountains, vistas, forests, with shopping, dining, and outdoor activities with many tourism activities for couples to escape as a whole. It also is a very romantic region to have a nice getaway. I immediately thought how sick can you be to reopen this? However, I also thought what could be done to bring business to this? So, I finally thought, why not do a promotion targeted to single guys, wanting to break up with their girlfriends but in a not so in your face way. So, when this podcast came up, I brought it to life.
Branson Chamber of Commerce Sponsor
Obviously, when you do parody and you use a real entity you can have some problems. However, parody is protected under free speech. So, I immediately thought there would probably need to be a disclaimer as much as I despised the thought of having to put what I call flashing lights telling folks that this a joke please do not believe it! When I finally made the ad, and played it to Annette, she goes you need a disclaimer, and when I heard that I got the disclaimer out. Better safe than sorry!
The Scripting of the Skit
This is a subtle ad. The people who will get the joke, are those who are aware of the major tragedy in 2018.
When thinking about how this ad should play out, I wanted to from the show standpoint have the Branson Chamber of Commerce be the main advertiser for the show. I felt that a major selling point is the city, landmarks, but most importantly the lakes and hills of the Ozarks. Ride the Ducks took people through the beautiful areas of the city and then invited them to explore the quaint lakes and outdoor areas just outside of Greater Branson. I thought the Branson Chamber would be the perfect advertiser for reintroducing the Ducks because at the end of the day, they are all about selling the region and what it has to offer.
The Package & the Pitchman
Vincent Cassanova, just sounded like the perfect name, it was Italian and had the perfect name that enveloped love. It also had that name that sounded like, he is not all that he seems and he may be selling us a bill of goods, so that's why I went with that name. The title tourism love ambassador further makes him seem much slimy and nefarious.
It is true, that is a romantic place, but I do feel truly there are single guys wanting out of a relationship. Having done Ride the Ducks, it can have a fun, romantic quality to it, especially with the jokes and the beautiful scenery. Especially with it seven years gone from the literal tragedy,
Having a vacation package name was key. I went with the Dear John getaway in this instance. The package is marketed for men. Obviously, if there are women listening to the show, they will be turned off, but if men are the target audience for this ad and they purchase this package for them and their significant other, their date will have no clue as to what the package name is actually called which means they may not realize that their boyfriend will be breaking up with them.
I hope I do not have to explain the $69.99 price point. $69 is subtle innuendo need i say more and who does not sell products without adding $.99 to the very end.
Now when it comes to the package, I purposely chose elements key to the Branson experience. Branson has a Titanic museum, and it is amazing. I can assure you women will love it. But let's not forget what happened on the Titanic. Regardless, the date starts off with a 9AM boarding call on this museum and you get to relive the opulence of this great cruise liner as well as what happened.
Now, most likely the date may be aware about the history of the Titanic even before entering, but there are displays of vast china, the opulence of the interior, and then there is the sad happenings that did take place on the ship. At the end of the day, it is an amazing exhibit to behold and definitely a place a lady would love to be taken on for a date.
Next, is the Duck Tour. When I saw that the Ducks were returning, I found out in 2022, they would depart from Branson landing. Branson landing is a beautiful bougie shopping, arts, and attractions district along Lake Taneycomo near old downtown Branson, MO. The tour would go from there all the way to Table Rock Lake meaning you would go through the strip and then down to the main lake to see the major scenery and cruise in the beauty of the Ozark hills.
This also means, you are in the same lake where that trouble hit seven years prior as Vincent tells us there is nothing to worry about as there are life vests, and the windows and doors will be closed.
The final part of the day, should you make it past the duck tour is a lovely dinner at Dick's Last Resort. Now, there is no Dick's Last Resort in Branson, but if the Duck Ride went on without a hitch, you had to play up the romance and smile during the beautiful scenic trip. This left us with a romantic dinner for two. But if the gentleman was struggling to boldly say it's over we had to find the perfect restaurant, and from personal experience, I thought Dick's Last Resort fit that bill. So we pretended that there is in fact one in Branson for the sake of this bit.
Dick's Last Resort is a restaurant where the wait staff is just plain mean. I went to one in Gatlinburg, TN. They put a paper hat on me and wrote on it that I had more issues than National Geographic Magazine. That was minor compared to some of the more mature jokes and insults they spewed and/or did to other people. This was the place where the wait staff definitely would assist in letting your date know that the romance is gone and the loving relationship is over!
At the end we provide two options to purchase the trip which is by calling 1-800-2-be-free (223-3733) or by going www.breakingupbranson.com before it's too late.
Production
The production was done using Chat GPT. I used one of the voices given at the time to choose from. Lud wrote the concept and script entirely himself. He also coached AI in how to read the lines. The sound effects were found with creative commons permissions from freesound.org with the dial tones heard utilizing my Google Voice account. The final music bed selection came from Corel VideoStudio Prox8 which I own and has music selections I can generate and use outright for production pieces. I mixed everything together to get the final product.
Final Thoughts
I think Duck Rides do not need to be operational anymore. They are far from safe and need to be shut down. If they do operate, they need to be kept strictly to the original ducks used in the war with no modifications whatsoever. If that is done, though, they would probably not operate anywhere as a tourist attraction due to capacity limitations and upkeep. It is too dangerous to run an operation of this sort, and we should not put anymore lives at risks for the sake of a cheap buck.
References
Comments